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Phil The Hen

20 Dec

 True story as told to me by my mate Phil

Phil came home from the pub

Late one Friday evening stinking drunk

As he often did

And crept into bed beside his wife

Who was already asleep

He gave her a peck on the cheek

And fell asleep

When he awoke

He found a strange man

Standing at the end of his bed

Who the hell are you demanded Phil

And what are you doing in my bedroom

The mysterious man answered

This isn,t your bedroom and I,m St Peter 

Phil was stunned You mean I,m dead That cant be 

I have so much to live for

And I haven,t said goodbye

to my family

You,ve got to send me back

Straight away 

St Peter replied yes you can be reincarnated

 

But there is a catch


we can only send you back as a dog or a hen

Phil was devastated

But knowing there was a farm not far

 from his house

He asked to be sent back as a hen

A flash of light later

He was covered in feathers and clucking around

Pecking the ground

This isn,t so bad

he thought


Until he felt this strange feeling welling up

Inside him

The farmyard rooster strolled over and

said So your the new hen

How are you enjoying your first day?

Its not so bad Phil replies

But I have this strange feeling inside

 Like I am about to explode

You,re ovulating explained

The rooster

Dont tell me you,ve never

laid an egg before

Never replies Phil

Well just relax and let it happen


and so he did

And after a few uncomfortable seconds later

An egg pops out from under his tail

An immense feeling of relief swept over

him

And his emotions got the better of him

As he experienced motherhood for the first

 time
when he laid his second egg

The feeling of happiness was

overwhelming

And he knew that being reincarnated as a hen

Was the best thing that ever happened to

 him Ever


The joy kept coming

And as he was just about to lay his third

 egg

He felt an enormous smack

On the back of his head

And heard his wife Shouting

Phil wake up, you drunken bastard

You,ve shit the bed

 

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8 Comments

Posted by on December 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

8 responses to “Phil The Hen

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    May 4, 2013 at 11:07 am

    🙂 Thanks for the laugh – needed that!!

     
    • The Emu

      May 5, 2013 at 10:39 am

      Love to bring a bit of a smile to my friends on wordpress, glad you enjoyed it Princess Noeleen
      Wishing you a great week ahead, big hug for Daniel
      Aussie Emu aka Ian

       
  2. Lady Jude

    December 29, 2010 at 8:23 am

    May the New Year bring you Luck for 2011,
    Happy New Year my friend,

    Big Kiss
    Lady Jude

     
  3. michiko san

    December 26, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Woohoo! Watch out everybody believes in your story “Ian The Hen”?ha ha ha

     
  4. angelwings6

    December 22, 2010 at 2:31 am

    Very funny Emu.

     
  5. prenin

    December 21, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    May I NEVER have such a dream!!! PMSL!!!

    God Bless Ian!

    Prenin.

     
  6. Beth Marie

    December 20, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    LOl!! And so goes life as a hen.

     
  7. suemacarthur

    December 20, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Well my friend ive been sitting here reading all the post you out up today,
    Welcome back Emu, hell you been miss ,
    well if you been blogging here ive miss them lol,
    Aussie story told be an Aussie what more could you want
    Take care
    Sue

     

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