Grandads Story– No Females Please

06 Apr

When I was growing up I remember all the old stories Grandma would tell me

You know the ones about Cinderella and her three ugly sisters and the ones about Hansel and Gretel

Stories that were all fairy tales that would make you dream of love and Princesses and kingdoms in far away lands But damned if I know why she wanted me to hear about a little boy called Hansel being kept in a little cage to be fattened up to be eaten by an ugly old crone

So going to sleep as a little boy was a cross between happy dreams and wetting the bed in nightmares

Well anyway Grandpa would always tell me stories that were fun and laughter

This is one story he told me that I never understood at the time but every time he told it he would burst out laughing and tell me that one day I would understand the moral of the story

He said it was man’s talk and the true story of what happened to Cinderella after she slopped her droopy lipper at the pancy dress fall

True story as told by Granddad

Cinderella turned 75 years old after a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon , out of nowhere, appeared her fairy Godmother

Cinderella said, Fairy Godmother , what are you doing here after all these years

The Fairy Godmother replied , Well Cinderella , since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes, is there anything for which your heart still desires.

Cinderella was overjoyed.

I wish I was extremely wealthy, she said. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Alan her cat jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering in fear.

Oh thank you Fairy Godmother said Cinderella.

Is there anything else you might wish for asked the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said

I wish I was young and full off the beauty I once had

At once her wish was granted

Cinderella felt a feeling inside her that she had not felt for years

The Fairy Godmother said you have one wish remaining,what shall you have

Cinderella looked at her frightened cat and said,

I wish you would turn Alan , my old cat, into a handsome young man.

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and before them stood a young man with the looks and body that no other man could match

The Fairy Godmother again spoke

Congratulations Cinderella. Enjoy your new life, and with that she was gone .

For a few eerie moments,Cinderella and Alan looked into each others eyes

This is the Romantic Bit I love( Ian )

Cinderella stood, gazing at the most stunning perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms.

He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath

Bet you regret having my balls chopped off now , don’t you



Posted by on April 6, 2012 in Uncategorized


12 responses to “Grandads Story– No Females Please

  1. Alex Autin

    April 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Did you really think us girls would not read this?!!

    Hilarious story, I can’t wait to tell it at the office on Monday! Have a great Easter Ian! : )

    • The Emu

      April 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

      Glad you enjoyed that little bit of humour Alex
      Wishing you a beaut Easter Saturday

  2. prenin

    April 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Ooooh YEAH!!!! PMSL!!!

    God Bless! 🙂


    • The Emu

      April 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

      This ones always good for a laugh mate
      Wishing you a beaut Easter Saturday

  3. Sue Dreamwalker

    April 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Chuckling here.. and grinning like a Cheshire Cat!… 🙂 Always Good to laugh, the best medicine in the world Emu… 🙂 ~Sue

    • The Emu

      April 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

      I always end up laughing over this one as well
      Good to have a belly laugh now and then

  4. suemacarthur

    April 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Hi Ian
    Im not reading this because im a good girl and you said not Females and you know i always do as im told lol
    Ross read it and said it an good one lol
    Take care my friend will email you tomorrow about mark
    Happy Easter to you and Ana

    • The Emu

      April 7, 2012 at 12:16 am

      Thanks Sue, was wondering hopw the Tank was doing

  5. natswans

    April 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Oh my oh my LOL

    • The Emu

      April 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

      Hi Sheila, I thought it was time for a little light hearted humour in the Emu space
      glad you enjoyed it
      Aussie Emu

  6. rosemarymonteith

    April 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Love it Ian

    • The Emu

      April 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

      Hi Rosemary, hope you are doing well and I wish you a great Easter and much love


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