This is a story of the humble boiled egg and an Antique shop, what do the two have in common ? Nothing really but in this case the two seem to come together for this blog
Lets deal with the boiled egg first.
I was watching TV last week and every channel seemed to have nothing but cooking shows, we are being deluged by Celebrity cooking , Master chef and every other type of cooking show you can think of, and every second person seems to be some sort of cooking guru who has cooked for the Queen or the Dalai Lama and even Noah and his family on the bloody ark.
Now this young pimply faced guy on tv was telling us that we were not doing boiled eggs the right way and he had the secret to perfect boiled eggs, he proceeded to teach us his secret, this is how it goes,
1 Place an egg in a saucepan of cold water
2 Bring to the boil and remove the saucepan from the stove as soon as the water starts to boil.
3 Cover the saucepan and let the egg sit there for exactly 6 minutes
4 Remove the egg after the 6 minutes and you have the perfect boiled egg
Now this self proclaimed boiled egg guru explains it like this,by letting the egg sit for exactly six minutes this lets the yolk and white to internally cook under its own combustion in the egg, the yolk neither hard nor soft but a delicate golden centre and the white being a smooth soft texture and not forming a rubber like texture. Well that was his theory, now me liking boiled eggs proceeded to follow his instructions to the letter,egg to saucepan of cold water, bring to boil, remove when starting to boil, cover saucepan and let sit for exactly six minutes, remove egg and enjoy the perfect boiled egg.Was he right in his theory ? ,Nah, I lopped the top of the cackle berry and found the egg to be as hard as bloody rocking horse shit, so gave that celebrity chef the arse and went back to my age old way of boiling eggs.
Now over to the Antique shop story.
I love antiques, they hold a fascination for me and seem to transport me into a different world, an age of nostalgia where life was full of tenderness and values that were real,anyway back to my story, having said that, I can smell an antique shop a hundred miles away and start to get tingly all over. Ana and I headed off and were soon at the antique shop,upon entering the shop I immediately went into my zombie catatonic state where my eyelids get covered in ancient cobwebs and my nose and lungs start absorbing dust from centuries ago, dust from unopened old leather bound books and all sorts of treasures buried beneath ancient soils, I become an archaeologist.I know somewhere in these caves of antiquity there within is my Holy Grail, that one treasure that has my name emblazoned on it. I am undergoing my antique orgasm as I see before my eyes, my Holy Grail, I get tingly all over my toes curl I shudder in orgasmic delight and try not to show my excitement.This is the treasure I must have at all costs, even to selling the car and mortgaging the house and wife, Its imperative to not look at the prize too long in case the owner sees you and knows your game, walk past the object of desire without glancing and come back after a good while and handle the object and casually ask the owner what price,he will give an exorbitant price but even so you know you would pay a million for it, but you casually offer him a few dollars less, he accepts and you pay and very casually walk out of the shop.
Well thats my technique for buying antiques, but there is another technique you must master which I will explain later and that is how to get the money off the wife to pay for your Holy Grail.One other thing about antiques you must know
Remember all the old movies from back in the 50s and 60s
The movies that showed the father with 14 kids in the depression years, all not wearing shoes and him looking for employment while his wife was standing over a big pot boiling potato peelings to make a soup to feed the family, Remember those type of movies ?
All bullshit the Emu says
Look closely in the movie and you will notice they aren’t poor at all
Nope says the Emu
Their house is full of antique furniture
worth a mint
Double standards crying hard up bullshit
Anyway what did I buy that antique day visit, well its not exactly an antique but more or less an icon from the 60s and 70s era. My Holy Grail that day was an Eggcup