Males Only,Viewer Discretion Advised

26 Sep

Greetings my wordpress friends

This blog is an old one I wrote many years ago, and have reposted a few times, I think this was one of Emu,s first posts back in the days of My Space.

I have held onto it over the years and always get a smile when I reread it, and wonder what was going through my mind when I wrote it.

I repost it again, here as our friends come and go on the network, we lose friends and make new friends.

So heres an old Emu story

Hope it brings a smile to your dial.

 photo IMG_1299-1.jpgG,day

Emu here

How you all doing out there behind me screen

Well I was having a couple of beers today

With me old mate Phil, you know Phil

I told you about him before

Well I gotta tell you the ridgy didge truth

Phil is an old timer

Shit he even remembers when his mum

First dyed her hair in that blue rinse stuff

And boiled their clothes in a copper boiler

Anyway Phil knows I peck away at this com you see

And he wants me to pass on some old timer tips

For you blokes

So all you sheilas out there this is a bloke’s blog

So go an make a coffee

Or do some girly female stuff

Or scroll down

Okay you blokes

We is safe

Now Phil wants me to tell you about his first encounter

With these new fangled things called condoms

Now these were invented after us kids

 just got used to using that glad wrap stuff in grade seven at school

With the older girls at school

Remember that stuff mum used to wrap the meat in

Well we did too at school hehehe

Now Phil found out the hard way you don’t need

To use gladwrap any more

You see in his days in Australia’s outback pubs

Every pub had a vending machine for chewie’s

You know chewing gum

Well Phil wacked his sixpence in

and went back to the bar

But after a few minutes realized it tasted like rubber

He said it had no sugar taste

So one of his mates explained

This new condom stuff to him

After that he was okay

Now here’s a few tips from Phil

On using condoms instead of gladwrap

And I know they is true

Cos Phil’s me mate

Now never buy clear ones he said

Cos there’s a trap with them ones

What can happen he said is that after you do the deed?

If you get me drift

And have your smoke and fall asleep

Then you heading for trouble

You see what Phil said is

If you wake up doing the night

And need to go for a snakes hiss

And Your still half asleep

You suddenly look down and wonder why

You holding a balloon and what birthday party

You went to

Ok so the secret there is to get the coloured condoms

Now forget them ribbed bullshit ones

Ffs if God wanted you born with warts

On your cock

He would have made you that way

Anyway some females like them

Cos it gives them something to grip onto

Now Phil’s last tip for you blokes

Don’t and I mean don’t

Leave them lying around under your bed after

You can forget

And there’s nothing worse he said

Than waking up and having to chase a choking cat around the house

In the rudey nudey

And particularly more so

If he gets through the cat door and outside

The neighbours look at you funny

See where Phil lives

They don’t understand such things

And a naked guy racing up the road

Chasing a choking cat

Can give them weird ideas

So that’s Phil’s tips on condoms

Have a grouse week guys

Catch ya’s around the traps


 photo Aussie-Emu2013_zps5e23e9fc.gif


Posted by on September 26, 2013 in Uncategorized


8 responses to “Males Only,Viewer Discretion Advised

  1. Sue Dreamwalker

    October 3, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    This still brought a Smile,,, 😀 …. Big Time xox

    • The Emu

      October 4, 2013 at 11:48 am

      Yes Sue, its an old one, but still has a bit of laughter in it, damned if I know what was going through my mind when I wrote that, haha

  2. auntyuta

    September 26, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    Copper boilers, I remember them well. Here in Australia I’ve seen quite a few ladies around with blue rinse hair, but never tried it myself. Condoms I used to know in Germany under the name of “French letter”. Never had the chance to touch one, meaning I had never been sent such a letter! He, he, he. 🙂

    • The Emu

      September 27, 2013 at 8:46 am

      Hi Auntyuta, thanks for visiting, hope you and Peterare looking forward to a great warm weekend.
      I remember copper boilers and the copper poker, I also remember the clothes prop, the big pole that used to hold the clothes line up, my auntys used blue rinse back in those days, theres an old Australian saying, Strike me pink with a blue bag, later in life I understood what it meant, apparently back in those days the blue bag from the laundry was an antidote for bee stings and other rashes.
      Was a great time to be growing up in Australia then, post war and life seemed to take on a new glow.

  3. prenin

    September 26, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    And it STILL makes me laugh even years later!!! 🙂

    You sure can tell a good tale Ian!!! 🙂

    God Bless!


    • The Emu

      September 27, 2013 at 8:20 am

      An old one of mine as you know Prenin, damned if I can understand my frame of mind when I was writing that story, hope it wasnt an old memory of mine hehe.

  4. dinkerson

    September 26, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Ha ha ha! Awesome advice from your mate, Ian. Did anybody ever have any luck with the old glad wrap method? I always found it to be problematic in many ways.

    • The Emu

      September 27, 2013 at 8:19 am

      All my mates bragged about the bloody glad wrap, all I got was a smack around the bloody ears when mum caught me pinching it out of the drawer.
      Cheers mate, and have a great weekend.


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